so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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