Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
