Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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