I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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