i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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