Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
