Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
