no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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