I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You ruined the universe
Randomize
