If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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