yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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