She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
