I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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