i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
