I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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