I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
