After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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