I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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