What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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