pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
