So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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