I murdered the dance floor call the cops
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
