Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
