her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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