its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
