WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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