Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
