remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
