i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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