in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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