He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
