Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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