Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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