So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
