Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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