guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
