i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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