maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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