Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
