They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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