I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
