Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
