i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
