Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I want you more than these girls want KFC
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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