i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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