Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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