theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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