Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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