So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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