He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
