Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
