we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
