i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
