my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Never underestimate the power of titties
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize