sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
