I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
We have started to decorate penises.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
