capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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