I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
