My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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