Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize