I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
