the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
